"It is not the same to talk of bulls as to be in the bullring." (Spanish Proverb) It is not the same to talk about stress management techniques as it is to test them when we are under pressure.
Stress Management works well when we have a definite plan and apply it daily. However, there are times when we get into unexpected situations, or when we face situations that are more intense than we thought they would be.
These times of unusual stress tell us how well our stress management practice works under pressure. Here is a personal example. I recently made a trip to speak for a large national association. I left prepared to give a good talk. The seminar went fine. Nearly everything else went wrong. Miami airport was shut down because of rain for two hours. Our flight was three hours late. Our luggage got lost for a day. The car rental company gave us the wrong directions to the hotel. The list kept growing. We weren't looking for problems. They found us!
On this trip, I had more opportunities in a 36 hour period to "practice what I preach" than in any other month of my life. How did I do under pressure? I'd give myself a "B" and that surprised me. I thought I could easily handle whatever came along. Normally, I do, but the sheer number of foul ups and frustrations on this trip showed me both my strengths and weaknesses. It showed me where I was very proficient in managing problems. And it showed me where I needed more work.
Repetitive frustration experiences were my biggest challenge. I had to remind myself consciously that most of what had happened was beyond my control and beyond the control of the person trying to help me. I slipped in and out of being angry or feeling aggressive. Neither emotion was functional under the circumstances. I returned from that trip committed to relook at all my personal stress management practices.
Here are five suggestions for you to consider that should help you meet the challenge of the unexpected.
1) Have a specific stress management and relaxation training program. Practice your techniques every day. Allow relaxation to become a natural habit.
2) List the events or situations that have caused you excess stress in the past. Honestly assess how you have performed under pressure in the past. What were your biggest challenges? Where and when did you perform well? Knowing your strengths and working to remove your weaknesses begins with honest self appraisal.
3) Have self confidence that you can handle whatever comes along. Realize that everything probably won't go perfectly. However, if you've set up and practiced stress management techniques regularly, they won't let you down under pressure if you remember to use them correctly.
4) If you lose your temper or become upset, focus on your breathing to regain control. Remember, your breath follows your awareness, and your awareness follows your breath. If you're angry, breathe deeply with your diaphragm. If you become depressed, try to breathe more with your chest and faster than normal. Not hyper ventilation, just a few extra times a minute. Also try to remove yourself from the situation for a minute or two while you regain your composure.
5) Keep reminding yourself, "This, too, shall pass." If a situation feels unbearable or unending, try to think of when it will be over. Focus on a positive time after the present challenge passes. The sun will rise tomorrow. The seasons will change on schedule. Life does go on.
Prepare yourself now for times of unusual pressure by practicing your stress management techniques today. Then, when you really need them, they will be there to help you through the tough times too.
Timothy J. O'Brien, MS, is the author and voice of a two-CD set titled Achieving the Dynamic Balance at http://hyperstress.com/achieving-the-dynamic-balance/. For more information, or more FREE informative articles, please visit Tim's performance improvement blog at http://hyperstress.com/.
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