Over the years, people have repeatedly told me not to take myself or life so seriously. For the longest time, I struggled with deciding what exactly they meant and if they had given fair consideration of my circumstances at the time; perception is a not always reality. Many times, making this comment about perception fell on deaf ears or simply was too much for someone at the time to understand what was said.
No matter who it is, we are all affected by the convenient hearing virus. It is important at that very moment, but has not lasting relevance once the moment passes. How many people does this apply to in your life? First and foremost, I am guilty of doing this. If there are things on my mind at the moment someone is trying to make a point, there is no guarantee I will remember
Is anyone really being disrespectful and rude by not listening? Most of the time, I venture to say they are just pre-occupied or distracted, but I digress. Getting back to the point of being too serious; when people try to help during someone's challenging times in life, they may not always think about what is going on and how to best approach the individual and the related situation.
Wanting to make a positive difference in a life does not mean that it has to happen "your" way or at that particular time and place. Some of the times when my family or friends would tell me to lighten-up and laugh more, they did not fully understand my predicament or all of the details of what was going on in my life. I love them for caring. Indeed, sometimes they were absolutely right; my focus was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Since those years are past and more experiences have supported their efforts, changes have occurred and my life is much less complicated.
However, the times when they were not understanding what was involved in my situation, for me to try and explain the other side of the story would have caused some of them to become embarrassed, upset and angry, even outright defiant of my version of the problem or problems. It is not always a good idea to express feelings when a confused and stressed mind is in control. The words that fly and actions or mannerisms can be very destructive to all parties.
What was learned over the years involves taking enough time to learn as much as possible about what caused me problems, anxiety, feelings of animosity or disdain towards others has saved my bacon many times. Also, remember that when I say - caused me problems - the reference is about me accepting what was placed before me and allowing hurt feelings or certain emotions to become my mind-set. This is highly destructive and promotes a self-defeating frame of mind. I was simply destroying myself and my integrity with certain inappropriate behaviors of lashing out at others. The culmination of years where the feelings were right there on my sleeves created a loss of friendships, and almost my family.
One of the most beneficial changes made on my part was to begin the concept of self-reflection. Additionally, it was important to learn from these experiences as much and as quickly as possible. Delaying my attention to this problem and not addressing the root of the problem - me, would serve to do nothing but continue the path of self destructive behaviors and alienate those who mattered to me the most.
After spending years of thinking that what I was taught by so many people at a young age and right through my early thirties, established certain mind-sets and convictions that would turn out wrong. So much time had been lost and so many people suffered because of my responses of so-called knowledge or factual statements. Actually, it was exposing my ignorance on certain matters of life and various topics of interest; talk about feeling stupid.
With my recognition of what had transpired in my life, I made it my mission to begin learning as much as possible to correct my mistakes and help others avoid the embarrassment sure to follow if they pursued a similar path. As part of my transition, I began holding others accountable for the information they claim as factual or accurate. Many times, they did not have it quite right. Granted, everyone is free to express their respective opinions, but it crosses a fine line when their opinion becomes a strong suggestion or advice. This is where my weakness fell; believing so many people and having such a naive perception of life and others.
Corrective action was necessary and it was important to me that any action was in a considerate manner. Being mean about being right is sheer arrogance and vengeful. One approach found to be very influential involved setting an example of how to share accurate information without demeaning the other person. Many times finding any part of what was spoken that was true made for a great starting point in order to correct a misspoken fact or circumstance. This went a long way to smoothing over an otherwise awkward moment.
Sharing knowledge with others can be done where they can learn and become engrossed with what is being taught. Lecturing people and pointing out the origin of information as being the source of intelligence - meaning that the lecturer is smarter than everyone else in the room, does nothing more than expose his or her arrogance and self-centered attitude. Condescending attitudes and comments gets you absolutely nowhere. Being slow to speak is far better than being first in line to expose a character flaw.
In summary, learn from others by observing their means of delivering information and the approach used to do so. Place a focus on your words, your deeds, your mannerisms and more successful outcomes are likely in any situation or discussion. Consider yourself as being nothing more than a small fish in a very large pond. Be humble about what you say and how you say it. This can also apply to what you do in various aspects of your life. Being misunderstood can usually be traced back to the source; that would be you.
Find the time to correct any mistakes you recognize that have been made in order to avoid any future problems when speaking to others. Laugh at yourself with family and friends around. Listen to what they may be saying to you about how they feel because of what you said or did. While they should not let their feelings or emotions be controlled by anything you do or say, it will happen and it would help to be sensitive to their thoughts on the matter. Let them know, through humility, that you can enjoy life and not be so uptight all or most of the time.
This one aspect of changing for the better will send a very clear and positive message to everyone, "Hey, I know that I have been a stupid, low-life idiot in the past, but this is the new me!" I would not encourage you to actually say these words, but you get the point; forsake the arrogant attitude and embrace a humble one.
By James R Eberts
Informative Article Writer, Education Specialist and Researcher, Blogger, Snippet Provider, SEO Technical Writer and Researcher, Author, and Volunteer sum up my current endeavors. Integrity in my writing is designed to provide insight and provoke thought for the betterment of those who read my articles.
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This article was sponsored by James R. Eberts.
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