How to Tame Our Worry Mind and Shift From Hypervigilance to Higher Vigilance

I sometimes call my new kitten Buddha-Pest because at times he has the serenity of a Buddha, but at other times he is a pest -- nipping, biting, and digging his claws into anything that moves! This is much like my mind, which at times rests in a sublime state of peace and acceptance, and at other times pesters me with gnawing, clawing worry thoughts, like, "What's that ache? What's that twinge? Why am I so tired? Could it be the cancer is back!?"

I wish I could rest in a Buddha-full state of serenity all the time, but ever since I was diagnosed with cancer three years ago, my mind is ever alert for danger. That's what the lower reptilian brain does -- its prime directive is survival and avoiding harm. For that reason, according to Rick Hanson, author of the book Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom, painful experiences are more easily and deeply imprinted in our brains than pleasurable ones. He explains: "There is an innate negativity bias of the brain, whose unfortunate default setting is to be Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones."

Here's an example: A few weeks ago I saw a three-foot snake on the nature path behind my house. It was patiently poised beside a gopher hole, so I'm assuming it was a gopher snake; nevertheless, it was a SNAKE! And it was BIG! I haven't been back there since...until today. I walked along the path, vigilantly scanning for snakes, seeing twigs, and even shadows of branches, as snakes. Even though I was surrounded by beautiful nature, all I could envision was snakes! I sadly realized, "Every time I walk here now I will be looking for snakes." The same is true with cancer -- with each minor ache and pain and fatigue...my mind leaps to cancer.

Buddhists call this "the pain of pain" -- the initial pain is unavoidable, but the reaction to that pain, the fear and resistance to it, is self-inflicted. The challenge is to get free of the pain of pain, to let go of negative reactions, because those reactions and perceptions are what cause the greatest suffering.

My goal is to walk along life's path and see the beautiful flowers, the blue sky, the mountains, instead of imagining twigs as snakes and twinges as cancer. I want to be higher-vigilant instead of hyper-vigilant -- to see life from the higher perspective of my soul, where I remember that I am an eternal being, where I know that cancer is my great teacher, life enhancer, and burr under my saddle that woke me up and keeps me awake!

Fortunately, the higher brain has neuroplasticity, which is the ability to learn from experience and imprint the positive new learning. But in order for this to happen, research shows that the new belief and feeling needs to be repeated many, many times. Fear is an easy neural pathway to go down. Faith needs to be repeated over and over again. Therefore, whenever fear appears, I remind myself, "What's the truth? The truth is that right now I am safe. Right now all is well. Right now is all there is." I breathe a big, deep breath, really feeling and letting in this belief.

Rick Hansen says we need to hold the desired thought and feeling for about 30 seconds so that it can imprint in our memory. We need to bathe in it for a bit, feel it fully, and generate excitement about it, because the longer it's held in awareness, and the more stimulating it is, the more it will increase neurons firing and wiring together into new neural structures.

I am passionately intent on firing and wiring beautiful, Buddha-full neural pathways in my brain -- pathways where a snake is just a snake, simply another of God's creatures, and a twinge is just twinge, reminding me to breathe and shift from hyper-vigilance to higher-vigilance, and cancer is just a kick in the can, waking me up to my true self.

Is your mind a Buddha-pest, serene at times but pestering you with habitual, hyper-vigilant worry thoughts? I invite you to shift into higher vigilance and fire and wire up some new, positive, life-enhancing neural pathways!

Janet Jacobsen, author of the book, Oh No, Not Another 'Growth' Opportunity! An Inspirational Cancer Journey With Humor, Heart, and Healing

If you or someone you know is coping with cancer or other life challenges, you can read more of Janet Jacobsen's FREE, inspirational, entertaining, and informative essays, as well as the first 4 chapters of her book, at to http://enlightenink.com/

Original article

Transforming Anxiety Using Heartmath

I'm on a Heartmath theme at the moment; dropping down into your heart really is hugely healing. It's changing the way I feel and the way I approach life as well. Clearing my heartwall was step one, these exercises are solidifying the changes.

Anxiety is rampant today; persistent anxiety can quickly change into an anxiety disorder. Heartmath's solution is about harnessing the way the brain and the heart communicate, and being able to release the patterns that the brain automatically defaults to as a way of coping, even if it's dysfunctional.

A maladaptive pattern can form in the brain, causing you to feel familiar with things like worry and anxiety, and when you're not anxious you feel there's something wrong, you're uncomfortable. This is how habits are formed.

Heartmath helps to recorrect by intervening and recalibrating the brain through easy heart-focused techniques, so a new reference pattern is formed, one the brain tries to match with outside references. This becomes the new baseline on how to be.

Overidentifying and overcaring is the most common cause of anxiety. We all know what not caring about something feels like, but overcaring saps your energy to the point that you are out of balance. Passion for something is not the same as overcaring. Overcaring is anxiousness and the situation loses its real meaning.

Caring is programmed into our DNA, but when it's not managed properly and we overidentify, then overcaring turns into anxiety.

Close on the heels of overcaring is overattachment. You care so much that you are overly attached to the outcome, to a person, to a situation. You become obsessive.

Heartmath exercises will work on changing the default pattern of your brain from anxiousness to being calm and serene. You will feel resistance doing these exercises because it feels normal to go to that place of worry and overcare.

Remember it's not the problem that drains you, it's the significance you have attracted to it. So the idea is to start to siphon off some of that accumulated energy that has been stored.

One way to do that is to breathe love in through your heart and out through your solar plexus for about 30 seconds. Your brain may want to pull you back into worrying as it feels natural. Just keep going.

Something I found really helpful is an exercise called heart soaking. I place the issue that's bothering me in front of my heart and soak it with love.

Once you've tried a few of these techniques, go back to the situation and see if it looks different. Have you been able to bring yourself back to a normal level of caring?

Kate Strong is a psychic/healer and specialises in Soul Healing and Relationship Readings. Please contact her at http://www.katestrong.com/

Original article

Is Work-Life Balance a Pipe Dream for Women in Business?

If you looked up to working mom Kate Redding as a role model, (Kate is played by Sarah Jessica Parker in the film I don't know how she does it), I suspect you'd come to the conclusion that work-life balance is a pipe dream. Kate does a fantastic job taking on responsibility for everything and everyone, leaving little time to do anything for herself. Just watching the film tired me out! But does it have to be that way? Are there no alternatives if you decide on a career AND a family?

At a recent women's networking event I was horrified when I heard that one of top tips for getting ahead was to "work harder than your male colleagues, partner, husband, or brother." Really? Is this what we are teaching the up and coming women in business today? Aren't we creating this burden for ourselves by promulgating such superwoman behavior? It's not about working harder. It's about working smarter and focusing on a few critical things that matter in building a career. Since we're not superwomen, we're only humans, promoting such behavior as goal surely results in a lack of work-life balance.

Work-life balance is NOT a pipe dream, but there are 3 key ingredients which are often overlooked in making this aspiration a reality:

1. Keep yourself motivated and challenged

WorkingMothers.com 2010 survey Career vs Paycheck revealed that a working mother was happy in all aspects of her life when she had a high level of job satisfaction. It's worth noting that job satisfaction was highly correlated to a meaningful career or job - it wasn't just about the money. Once we lose the buzz we get from our careers, the whole work-life dynamic falls apart.

How many women do you know who come back from maternity leave, feel side-lined, and subsequently give up. "What's the point?" they begin to wonder. If they're going to leave precious little ones in someone else's care, the job has got to turn them on. I remember one day when my elderly neighbor saw me coming home from work and how amazed she seemed that I was chirpy and energetic after such a long day in the city. The secret? I felt challenged in my corporate career - the things I was learning made life very interesting.

2. Map out a routine for maximizing your individual level of performance

Organize your easy and tough tasks and challenges around those peak performance times. Tackle the tough challenges when you feel at your best. For me it's the first thing in the morning. My confidence and patience levels are up and my head is clear.

I learned this by trial and error and being aware of how productive I was (or not as the case may be) at which times. There's a key piece missing here. In order to be at your peak at work, you also need to figure out how much exercise and other activity you need to do (and how to make it happen) to keep your enthusiasm up at work. What do you really like to do in your personal time that re-energises you. There's so much focus on time management. It's misplaced. We need to be focusing on managing our energy rather than our time.

3. Think Like a Business Owner

Point 2 leads really nicely into this point. At the end of the day, what does a good manager really care about? That's right, performance. I recently gave a talk about how important it is to invest and enrich in both the personal and professional dimensions of our lives, highlighting that it's having both parts that can help you achieve optimal performance in each. Huh? Simply put, by having a varied life you avoid getting burned out, whether it's caring for an elderly parent, hyper kids or a demanding career.

Dipping in out of both lives makes you appreciate each life and the benefits it brings. At the end of my talk an eager member of the audience asked, "But Christine, if I tell my boss how important my personal life is, he or she won't get it, they won't care." I replied, "Well your boss may or may not care, but that's not the point. As your manager, your boss expects you to organize your life so you can be at your best. That's YOUR responsibility. Your boss wants to know where you are on your projects."

The best rule of thumb to use when thinking about how to blend our increasingly complex professional and personal lives is to think like a business owner. A business owner wants you to be as productive as you can and to manage your life to achieve this. Working 24 x 7, losing your enthusiasm, creativity and motivation isn't good for you and it's not good for the business.

Work-life balance is not a pipe dream. Like anything though, you've got to be strategic and focus on the most important parts or you'll get lost in the detail.

As a former MD in Fixed Income, wife and mother of three Christine offers practical strategies on how to get the most out of your work and life. Her recently published book 'Step Aside Super Woman: Career & Family is for Any Woman' offers time-tested advice on how to create work-life balance. She is an accomplished international speaker and has been featured by the London Evening Standard, Women in Banking & Finance Magazine, Computer Weekly, WDRC 1360 AM, and many others.

Christine Brown-Quinn together with her business partner Jacqueline Frost are firm believers in sharing their hard-earned success strategies with professional business women. With over 40 years' combined business experience in the financial services industry, they established Women in Business Superseries to response to the challenges that many women still face in the current business environment. To join as a guest on the next Women in Business webinar, email christine@wibconsulting.com

Original article

Stop Worrying So Much By Using Brainwave Entrainment

Why do you worry so much?

Worry is a nag. It works hard to make you feel uneasy and troubled. It harasses you until you are weighted down with distress.

And most of the time, it's totally useless.

It only hurts you.

Unrelenting fears and doubts paralyze you, suck the very life out of you, all of which have no redeeming value in your life.

Signs Worrying Is Getting The Best Of You

You can't stop thinking about what appears to be a problem, causing you great anxiety.Your mind goes over and over every detail, trying to find a solution.You worry on top of worry, that you'll overlook an answer.You think if you keep going over it, whatever it is you are worried about, won't be so frightening.Your mind plays a game of what if? with you...changing the facts and the scenario.Worrying releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline in excess.Stress hormones flood the body and start changing your well-being.You start eating for comfort to take away some of the worry. Unfortunately, you will be eating foods high in carbohydrates and will throw your blood sugars off. You'll be hungry no matter how much you eat. The more worried you are, the more you may eat.Anxious thoughts are fueled by what you believe to be true, not necessarily by what is true.You see no solution to the trigger of your worry.You feel that worrying protects you, so it perpetuates itself, over and over again.You may get irritable with others because they can't see why it's important for you to keep thinking things out.You may become impatient for the outcome.Worrying affects your sleep. You'll either be sleeping too much or not at all.You may use worry as a reason to be irresponsible with other areas of your life. You're just too busy worrying to do what you need to do like be in a relationship or take care of your bills.Your stomach acts up and if you already have something like irritable bowel syndrome, it will feel worse when you are in a state of worry.You'll feel out of control, unless you are worrying. You may feel that if you don't worry, something even worse than the problem, will happen.You may experience depression because you can't see your way through the problem.You spend too much time in your head.

You've got to stop worrying, you know that, but focusing on the fact that you need to stop worrying, only reinforces your anxious thoughts.

Brainwave entrainment can release you from your stuck thought patterns, by changing your brainwave frequency. Once out of that frequency, your mind will be better able to process your worry, from a different perspective, and the anxiety about it will diminish. From this new place, you will be better able to come up with solutions. You will be able to ask yourself if there is anything you can do to solve your problem, and if there isn't, come to accept it and detach.

If there is a solution, you'll come up with one.

If the problem is bogus, you'll see that too.

You don't have to worry so much about things. Most of what you worry about isn't even real.

Worrying makes you old.

Stop worrying so much.

Do you want to strengthen your brain and experience peak performance in all areas of your life?

Take advantage of the technology used by leading minds in the medical, scientific, business, and space field on a daily basis.

Download your FREE eBook "Brainwave Entrainment: Easy Even For The Lazy Dog" available now at the Waverider Emporium website.

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Original article

Steps To Reduce Your Stress Levels - Be Responsible

The majority of us are aware of the fact that being under stress over prolonged periods can be quite detrimental to our health. Many of us will know of someone who has suffered a heart attack or suffers with panic bought about by anxiety which are all symptoms of stress, as well as a multitude of other health issues. However, even though we're aware of how dangerous to our health stress can actually be, we still appear to embrace it as though we can't live without huge amounts of it in our lives. To 'Be Responsible' is what I consider to be the first step in reducing our stress levels. Not only that but I believe that being responsible is also the first step to overcoming all past issues.

Writing this in words gives the appearance that I make it sound so easy, however my belief is quite the opposite. What we are responsible for is how we felt at that time and how we chose to deal with the situation. To suddenly accept that you are responsible for how you dealt with all of the misfortunate events from your past and upto your present is an extremely bitter pill to swallow, and the reason why is because of the amount of emphasis that we give to the problem being down to someone or something else. I must clarify at this point that most unfortunate events could not happen in our lives had we not made the decision to be in the situation in the first place, regardless of what it is we're confronted with. However some unfortunate events like loss of a relative or loved one through death, though we have no control over the event we do have control over how we feel about it. The act of giving responsibility itself is like a form of self-hypnosis and I'll use relationships as an example: more often than not many of us enter a relationship because we need someone to make us feel better about ourselves, so we submit the responsibility to the next good thing to come along. Whether it's just someone to have around, a compliment for the way we dress or the things we do, a cuddle when we feel down or if it's someone to listen to the misfortunes we've experienced in our day, we build our relationships based on what we can get from them as opposed to what we can give.

The problem arises when we feel we are no longer getting what we want from our relationships and this is the point at which being responsible is clearly on the back seat. It's highly unlikely that when we feel let down by our relationships, we are looking at our own actions, more likely looking at our partners. Because we place so much emphasis on what we're getting, the moment we believe we're not getting, which more often than not is not getting enough rather than not getting at all, we begin to look for reasons to support our belief of not getting which often materialises as fault finding and nit-picking. Before we know it we're engaging in full blown rows with our partners or not speaking at all which can last for hours, even days, without even considering the amount of stress we're surrounding ourselves with and the fact that it could all be over in a flash had we been able to take responsibility for ourselves and the situation.

I refer to self-hypnosis because we kind of hypnotise ourselves to only see them as the problem and ultimately them as the solution. With this self-hypnosis comes the inability to see ourselves as the problem. The bottom line is if someone does something that we don't like then it's not a matter of them doing it wrong, more a matter of it not being to our liking. At this point we should think about our own actions with regard to what we must do to re-dress the balance and make ourselves feel better in that moment. What we often tend to do is attempt to make our partners recognise the fact that we're not happy and it's them that must do something to change that. In reality I don't think that many of us deep down want to believe that we are doing anything wrong and the act of self-hypnosis leads us to believe that everything we do is right, therefore there is no need to look at our own actions.

Many of us will have seen people getting hypnotised at functions or shows and the effects of the hypnosis is the subject being unable to carry out certain obvious tasks or they do things they believe to be normal, when the rest of us can clearly see that they are not. In reality the hypnotist is just a guide and the subjects actually hypnotise themselves. Taking this into account, the idea of hypnotising ourselves to not see our own actions seems more than just a possibility, and to suddenly have the ability to look at our own actions with a view of taking responsibility requires a lot of will power.

To take responsibility is not to take the blame for the failing relationship but to take responsibility for how we feel about it. If we take this on board then we realise the last thing we want to do is assist in creating an environment that increases stress levels and instead try to reduce them. This is something we have complete control over if we choose it, whereas giving someone else the responsibility means we have no control and if we have no control then we are at their mercy. Now we begin to see how unresolved issues of the past become a burden on our minds. We carry the burden in the hope that who or whatever we hold responsible will eventually free us from our load and make us feel better. To decide to take responsibility is the first step and taking responsibility gives our lives a whole new perspective. Since we've hypnotised ourselves to not take responsibility, then we must de-hypnotise ourselves by restoring the belief that we are responsible. When we begin to believe and see that we are responsible we naturally begin to put steps into place to ensure that we only get the best for ourselves secondly, though firstly we must try to give the best of ourselves because in truth, how many of us believe we should be getting the best if we're incapable of giving it?

On the other hand, if we find ourselves on the receiving end and are being blamed for problems arising, knowing that we are responsible is to know that we have a choice whether to feel angry or not. Getting angry is another way of saying "It's not my fault. I don't have to stand for this!", which is the beginning of the fall-out and the point that both people in the relationship begin airing their stresses, each expecting the other to relieve them from their stress. When the arguments begin, each person in the relationship has made the decision to be stressed rather than to relieve it.

When we take responsibility as being the first major step towards reducing stress levels, each time we have a thought of past events that we'd previously relinquished responsibility of, we begin attaching the thought that we are responsible for how we felt and in knowing this, the burden begins to get lighter and we begin to think of the past as less of an issue. I believe the most important thing we must learn from our past is how we felt emotionally about events followed by how we chose to deal with them. In remembering how we felt, we then recognise the situations that surround our present and set about trying to resolve issues that increase stress levels as quickly as possible, simply by being aware of how we felt about them in the past.

If you would like to read more on my steps to reduce your stress levels then please follow this link http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=I_Reid or subscribe to receive a notification by email whenever a new article has been added. If you are experiencing heightened stress levels and would like more help, advice, information and free giveaways then please follow this link: http://www.stress-gone.info/

Original article

Shape Your Life Up: Tell Yourself the (Desired) Truth!

Ack!! Your computer is acting up-again-and despite hitting "escape" and every other "get-me-outta-here" key you can think of, you're in frozen hell. "I hate this computer!" you mutter. Your co-worker glances over at you, "That's what you always say. Maybe you should try talking pretty to it." You snort, "Right! And the computer can hear me and will suddenly unlock itself. I'll bet you still believe in Santa Claus." Your co-worker shrugs: "Works for me."

You grumble and groan, finally give up and shut your computer off, knowing you'll lose the last three pages you so meticulously labored over. Later, on your way home, you decide to stop off at the market. "Not that I'll be able to find a good parking spot" you mumble, "Not in this rain." Five complete rounds of the parking lot later, you jam your car into a too-small space all the way at the far end, under a tree you're certain will drop sticky goo all over the car, and trudge into the market. Wet. You left your umbrella at home. "Figures," you snarl.

Sure enough, there are a couple of sticky goo blobs on the windshield, you wrestle your dripping bags into the car and bang your knee as you sidle into your seat. By the time you get home, you're not fit company for anyone. Not even your cat, much less your spouse and kids.

What happened here? Is your life destined to be no more than a series of irritating events? Well, maybe yes and maybe no. It all depends on what you're willing to tell yourself about whatever is going on. Because whatever you tell yourself is what will shape your perception, and perception is what determines action.

Before you say "I have no idea what you're talking about" and hit delete, read on just a little further. It will all become clear.

Minds are funny things. They respond to suggestion, which is actually direction. When you say "I hate my computer!" your mind looks for things to hate about your computer. When you say "I won't be able to find a good parking spot," your mind rushes to obey. It does that by focusing your attention on those things that will fulfill your own prophecy.

With your computer, it doesn't occur to you to ask Mike down the hall, generally thought of as pretty computer-savvy, for his help because your attention is locked (just like your computer) on "hit a key and get out of this." At the parking lot, your attention is fixated on "won't find a parking place" so you don't see the customer slip into her car, ready to exit. You forgot your umbrella because you repeatedly say to yourself "I always forget my umbrella," which your mind promptly acknowledged by focusing your attention on locating your keys and away from the umbrella stand as you headed out the door.

Your mind is, at all times, a willing servant. All you need to do is give it different direction.

Say to yourself, "Things always work out well for me" and deliberately focus your attention on what is working out well for you. Your mind will get the hint after a while, and start looking for how things are working out well for you. Over time, you will see more and more ways in which things are working out well for you, and they will work out well for you much more of the time. You've changed what you are able to perceive in what's around you.

Say to yourself, "My computer is great" and make the effort to think of the many ways in which you enjoy your computer. Sure enough, your mind will catch the drift and you'll soon find you have thoughts that support your enjoyment of your computer: like thinking of Mike next time your computer crashes. "I always find the perfect parking spot for me," repeated with genuine enthusiasm will orient your mind to perceiving opportunities for good parking spots.

The key to working with your mind is to talk to yourself genuinely, believing that what you are telling yourself will soon be true, just like when you said "I hate my computer" you said it with gusto, totally believing you did hate your computer.

Train yourself to talk differently, positively, to yourself, and you'll be amazed at just how quickly your mind responds, and how your experience of your life shifts into a much happier, more successful place.

Noelle C. Nelson, Ph.D. is a nationally respected psychologist, author, seminar leader and legal consultant. A business trial consultant for nearly 20 years, Dr. Nelson works closely with attorneys, management and corporate executives so they present a persuasive and credible case before a judge and jury. Dr. Nelson's books include The Power of Appreciation in Business (MindLab Publishing) and The Power of Appreciation in Everyday Life (Insomniac Press). http://www.noellenelson.com/.

Original article

Self Improvement and Stress

Modern man lives under the most incredible stress ever, and having to deal with this permanent enemy really does not help in being able to live a healthy lifestyle and much less does it contribute to our self improvement. We are all tired of being bombarded with all kinds of ideas and suggestions on how to get rid of our stress, but there is really no general rule to do that and there is certainly no one way to do this.

First of all, we have to identify what is it that produces the most stress in our life. Is it work? Is it our relationship or the children's behaviors? Is it the financial situation? Do we feel frustrated because we have not been able to achieve our goals at this time in our lives?

In order to concentrate on our self-improvement, we need to have the energy to do so, and stress really takes care of draining us from it, so we have to take care of stress first in order for us to continue our journey.

Something that is also of the utmost importance is our defining what self improvement means to us, since the concept does not imply the same thing to everyone. Are you considering self-improvement something having to do with an educational title or diploma? Can it be you define it as getting married and having the family you always dreamed of? Does it have to do with acquiring richness or getting to own your own company and being the boss? Is it, on the other hand, something having to do with your spirituality?

As you can see, although the above are only a few examples. self-improvement needs to be clearly defined for you before you can start trying to achieve it. It has nothing to do with what others do with the concept. When you identify yours, it becomes easier to try and save the energy you need for that and therefore, start trying to fight stress.

Are you the kind of conventional person that follows what others do because "it is the right thing to do"? Does that make you feel well or does it leave you with a sense of emptiness? Not feeling free is the most stressful experience for a human being, so sit and think about this. There are times when getting rid of these chains and all the stress they imply is the first step in our road to self improvement.

Going to places you do not want to go, doing things you do not want to do and trying so hard sometimes you forget why you are even trying and live considering you have to please everybody is a sure way to sentence yourself to self-imprisonment.

Self improvement is what you came to this planet to do, but with happiness, not stress and suffering, so make it a point at this stage of your life to analyze and define what you want to make out of it.

The author is a Doctor in Clinical Psychology, running a site and a blog related to self improvement. For more information about self improvement and self improvement, pay them a visit.

Original article

Stress Management: How Will You Respond When The Pressure Is On?

"It is not the same to talk of bulls as to be in the bullring." (Spanish Proverb) It is not the same to talk about stress management techniques as it is to test them when we are under pressure.

Stress Management works well when we have a definite plan and apply it daily. However, there are times when we get into unexpected situations, or when we face situations that are more intense than we thought they would be.

These times of unusual stress tell us how well our stress management practice works under pressure. Here is a personal example. I recently made a trip to speak for a large national association. I left prepared to give a good talk. The seminar went fine. Nearly everything else went wrong. Miami airport was shut down because of rain for two hours. Our flight was three hours late. Our luggage got lost for a day. The car rental company gave us the wrong directions to the hotel. The list kept growing. We weren't looking for problems. They found us!

On this trip, I had more opportunities in a 36 hour period to "practice what I preach" than in any other month of my life. How did I do under pressure? I'd give myself a "B" and that surprised me. I thought I could easily handle whatever came along. Normally, I do, but the sheer number of foul ups and frustrations on this trip showed me both my strengths and weaknesses. It showed me where I was very proficient in managing problems. And it showed me where I needed more work.

Repetitive frustration experiences were my biggest challenge. I had to remind myself consciously that most of what had happened was beyond my control and beyond the control of the person trying to help me. I slipped in and out of being angry or feeling aggressive. Neither emotion was functional under the circumstances. I returned from that trip committed to relook at all my personal stress management practices.

Here are five suggestions for you to consider that should help you meet the challenge of the unexpected.

1) Have a specific stress management and relaxation training program. Practice your techniques every day. Allow relaxation to become a natural habit.

2) List the events or situations that have caused you excess stress in the past. Honestly assess how you have performed under pressure in the past. What were your biggest challenges? Where and when did you perform well? Knowing your strengths and working to remove your weaknesses begins with honest self appraisal.

3) Have self confidence that you can handle whatever comes along. Realize that everything probably won't go perfectly. However, if you've set up and practiced stress management techniques regularly, they won't let you down under pressure if you remember to use them correctly.

4) If you lose your temper or become upset, focus on your breathing to regain control. Remember, your breath follows your awareness, and your awareness follows your breath. If you're angry, breathe deeply with your diaphragm. If you become depressed, try to breathe more with your chest and faster than normal. Not hyper ventilation, just a few extra times a minute. Also try to remove yourself from the situation for a minute or two while you regain your composure.

5) Keep reminding yourself, "This, too, shall pass." If a situation feels unbearable or unending, try to think of when it will be over. Focus on a positive time after the present challenge passes. The sun will rise tomorrow. The seasons will change on schedule. Life does go on.

Prepare yourself now for times of unusual pressure by practicing your stress management techniques today. Then, when you really need them, they will be there to help you through the tough times too.

Timothy J. O'Brien, MS, is the author and voice of a two-CD set titled Achieving the Dynamic Balance at http://hyperstress.com/achieving-the-dynamic-balance/. For more information, or more FREE informative articles, please visit Tim's performance improvement blog at http://hyperstress.com/.

Original article

Are You Getting Enough Sleep?

I realised as I got into bed at 12:30 am that I've been slacking on my bedtime.

Yes, I'm a night owl so my natural tendency is to work late because my brain is most awake then.

However, I work full-time so I don't have the luxury of totally living in tune with my body clock.

I used to have a rule about my bedtime and, to be honest, it still exists. I'm just not following it all that well.

I like to be sleeping by 12 so I need to be in bed by 11 since I read for an hour every night - bliss!

And here's my rule - computer off by 10:30.

I found I'd be getting to bed at least 30 minutes later when I didn't enforce my computer rule because I forgot about tidying the desk, doing my bedtime routine, etc.

So my question to you is this - are you getting enough sleep?

Most adults don't get enough sleep and we're all functioning (or not) at below-par levels of productivity and simply, life enjoyment.

Sleep helps our bodies to work better, helps us with weight loss when we're trying to lose weight and of course, helps us rest and recharge from day to day.

I need 7 hours of good sleep a night. On the weekends I get an extra hour and sometimes even an afternoon nap with my two-year-old twins.

Do you know how much sleep you need?

The other day Gretchen Rubin, the author of The Happiness Project, wrote a post asking about bedtimes.

She said something interesting in that once you set a bedtime (we now know mine is 11 or 12, depending how you look at it), if you ignore that bedtime, you're then consciously choosing to do what you were doing instead of going to bed.

I love it!

So here's a coaching challenge for you:

- What is your wake-up time?

- Work back at least 7 hours. That is the time you have to be asleep by.

- How long do you need before falling asleep? Subtract the amount of hours.

- Also subtract time for your bedtime routine - face, teeth, reading, etc.

- For the next week, set an alarm or reminder in your phone or computer that says "go to bed".

- Keep track of your productivity the following day as you start getting enough sleep.

Marcia Francois is a time management coach and speaker who inspires busy women to break out of overwhelm, make the most of their time and take purposeful and focussed action so they have the time and freedom to live life to the full. Visit http://purposefultimemanagement.com/ for your free Time Management Purpose Pack.

Original article

Women in Business: Getting to Grips With the Guilt Trip

How can you possibly have a career and a personal life and not feel guilty that someone is getting short changed? Is it a no win situation which just can't be resolved? Sorry for the cliche, but it's actually a win-win situation.

First, let's take a look at your personal life. You have a lot of commitments, right? But isn't this what makes you feel connected to this earth? Commitments are a good thing - you may have a commitment to a sports team, a local school, a charity or a family matter. These commitments take you away from work, both mentally and physically. (Again, this is also a good thing which I'll come back to later). Your instinct is that your priorities are in the right place, but you still feel guilty leaving clients or colleagues with unfinished business.

Now let's take a look at your professional life. You are no doubt enjoying the challenge and collaboration of working with other adults. Knowing you, I bet you're really throwing yourself into the new job, the new role, or project. But I hear you. You're telling me that despite this job satisfaction you still do experience that tinge (or on a bad day, that pang) of guilt that you should be home having a glass of wine with your partner or reading that bedtime story with your kids.

Well, if it's any consolation we've all been there. The point is you're not alone and it's not personal - it's part of the human predicament. It's part of what defines us and you've got to stop beating yourself up about it. It's not your fault, so there's absolutely no reason why you should feel guilty!

Kate Redding, the working mom played by Sarah Jessica Parker in the film I don't know how she does it, demonstrates beautifully that so much of the guilt we experience is self-imposed. We set unrealistic expectations of what we can achieve - whether that be at home or at work. Kate seems to feel guilty about everything and as a result she seems almost scatter-brained and unfocused in almost every situation. Her guilt seems to be driving her to be uber human. (She really stoops low when she dresses up a store-bought cake as homemade for the school bake sale. She doesn't want her kids to feel like she's contributing less than the other mothers. Oh, please!). In a way we set ourselves up for feeling a sense of failure, a sense of guilt, because we can't meet a pie in the sky expectation.

Ok, so although you buy into my logic, you're still not over it.

Here's the real key to getting to grips with the guilt trip. What you have to realize is that it's because of your personal life (rather than in spite of!) that you're a better professional, a better business person. People like to deal with other people. The unique approach, values and integrity you bring to the work environment are your greatest contributions. Your uniqueness comes from your personal life, your upbringing and your personal experiences. Also having a personal life pulls you away from work - it saves you from burn-out (I saw plenty of this in my corporate life!). It allows you to break away and recharge your battery, which of course makes you more productive in the long run. Ever notice how much easier something feels once you've had that mental break?

Fine, I get all that, but I still feel guilty about not spending enough time with my partner. I feel guilty about leaving the kids. Did you ever think about how your professional life makes you an interesting person - how it broadens your perspective? Have you ever thought about how your professional life enables you to support your partner's career (you realize just how tough it is out there in the real world!). So many skills and qualities that you apply in your personal life have actually been developed in your work life. You've got it - your professional life makes you a better person - you as a partner, daughter, friend or mother. You can help your relatives and close friends get out of those tricky situations because you solve problems at work all day long!

Bottom line? Although you want perfection, just focusing on that one thing doesn't get you there either. Once you accept that you can't possibly be everywhere and do everything, and also accept that it's the varied dimensions in your life that might it worth living, you're well on the road to recovery. No more guilt. Time to enjoy life's variety!

As a former MD in Fixed Income, wife and mother of three Christine offers practical strategies on how to get the most out of your work and life. Her recently published book 'Step Aside Super Woman: Career & Family is for Any Woman' offers time-tested advice on how to create work-life balance. She is an accomplished international speaker and has been featured by the London Evening Standard, Women in Banking & Finance Magazine, Computer Weekly, WDRC 1360 AM, and many others.

Christine is also a big believer in sharing her hard-earned success strategies with professional business women which is why she set up the Women in Business Superseries with her business partner Jacqueline Frost. After 40 years' combined experience in the professional services industry, Christine & Jacqueline want to pass on what you really need to know to get ahead in business - it's about YOUR career & YOUR success. To join as a guest on the next Women in Business webinar, email christine@wibconsulting.com.

Original article

Easy Ways to Manage Stress and Strain

Stress is an elusive concept. No one knows what exactly are its causes and remedies. All that we know is its manifestations. It manifests in diverse ways in the form of increased heart beats, speedier breathing, faster sweating, cramps etc. Those physiological responses are body's combat mechanism to deal with the harm, the stress can cause.

Diverse causes induce stress. They range from ones failure to study well to achieve targets to inability to cope up with others expectations. The mismatch between one's ability, expectation and achievement is a causative of stress. There are mental causes of stress. A distorted view of reality comes under the mental causes. Even a misconception of a rope as a snake can cause stress on oneself. Ill-health, hormonal imbalance and physical ailments are biological causes. The expectation of the society and its norms, as perceived by one, comes under the category of social causes. The fear of what others would think can put one to a lot of stress. Stress cannot be dealt with when its causative is not known. Finding the real causes of stress is not at all that easy. But there are general mechanisms to deal with them.

Resorting to healthy life styles is one general way to reduce ones stress in the long run. If the person is physically fit, the stress any cause can impose on him will be minimal. Eating balanced food, doing regular exercise and having enough sleep are the essential ingredients for better health and prevention of stress. Make steamed, boiled and grilled food for better digestion and health. Avoid use of fried, unnatural and junk food,. Enhance the quantity of fibre in the food for its easy digestion and excretion. Eat fruits and vegetables more. Restrict the use of caffeine, sugar, salt etc to the minimum. Drink enough water to keep your body functioning regular and digestion perfect. Food eaten in excess can make your body environment bad for stress. Chilled fruit juices will be relaxing. There is a food-mood connection. Choose food that generates good mood. As well, eating should be relaxing.

Doing regular exercise keeps one fit and healthy. Ladies can prefer dancing as an art and exercise. Swimming is a wholesome exercise. What is called "happy hormone" (endorphin) generated during exercise works as an anti dot against stress. Exercise reduces muscular tension. It helps body's intake and use of more oxygen. That will in turn regulate ones mood and may improve overall flexibility of muscles. Yoga is much more than an exercise, if it is done systematically. Make it a routine habit to engage in singing songs or whistling tunes which can bring one to a state of mental composure. Listening to smoothening music will also help. When one laughs, all the six hundred muscles in his body will move. Laughing can reduce stress.

Meditation can offset the effect of stress. It makes one relaxed and will counter the effect of stress. Daily meditation builds ones resistance to stress and its causes. Mediation is neither the process of concentrating anything nor chanting anything at all, but a state of no thinking - absolute no-thinking. In the process of meditation, one should let his thoughts come in and go incessantly in such a way that it subsides over time. That is the right approach to meditation. Resisting a thought will make it stronger and trying to avoid it would be difficult. In a perfect meditative state, there will t be no thinking process in one's mind - it will be a composed state. Chanting a mantra and obsessing ones breathing are advised by some meditation trainers for the initial phase of meditation so as to escape from numerous unregulated thoughts coming in. There is nothing wrong in using the mantra in the in the transitional phase, but practising meditation without any mantra is the best course.

Sleep brings us rest and health. Regular and healthy sleep will reduce the chances of causing stress. Keep regular bed timing and ensure comfortable sleep environment - such as ventilation, fresh air, optimum temperature, firm bed that supports the body etc - while going to bed. Avoid stimulants like alcohol. Full stomach in the evening can make ones sleep poor. Keep yourself active during the day to get good night's sleep. Deficiency in sleep is a problem. When you don't sleep well, the chemicals in your brain get depleted and that will cause emotional disturbances. Engaging in activities that brings pleasure or relaxation is a good solution. As well, love the work that you are destined to do for your earning or choose the work that you love, so as to minimise stress.

Laughter plays a great role in releasing oneself from stress. It is a wonder medicine for your body muscles. It can brighten your mind and make you happy. Telling a joke when in distress can help row your way out of stress. Faking a smile even will be useful. Laughter reduces stress inducing hormones - nephrine and cortisol. They reduce ones unreasonable anxiety about future that may cause stress in him. Remember that future is indeterminate. One cannot alter it. But remain prepared well to deal with any possible eventuality like a soldier who keeps being prepared for a war anytime. When you get into trouble, use the situation to build your inner strength - to deal with similar situation in future.

In essence, use every adversity as an opportunity to strengthen your capability. In every adversity, there lies a new beginning. Purposeful avoidance of negative thoughts can do wonders in reducing tension. Focusing on positive thoughts is the best way to avoid negative thoughts.

K Rajasekharan
Kerala Institute of Local Administration
Thrissur
India

Original article

Is Your Life Just a Blur? Tips for a Less Hectic and More Enjoyable Life

Is Your Life Just a Blur?

Life is fast-paced. Technology helps, but it also can be used to help us cram even more into our already hectic days.

Do any of these statements describe you:

Always wishing you had more hours in your day?Wishing you could slow down, but feeling like you can't.Feeling somewhat envious of those who take time off or take vacations?Feeling driven to push yourself relentlessly and not know how to lighten up?

I am convinced that life is not meant to be a blur! We are meant to have fun, meaningful moments in our days/weeks.

You might be thinking, "sure, slowing down would be nice, but I have work (tasks to complete) to do and if I don't do it, no one else will and it won't get done..." I totally understand how this feels; and perhaps it's very valid.

The problem is, that no one is going to swoop down and take away all your 'to do's'. The reality is that you are the only one who can change the pace of your life - no one else can do it for you.

So, here are some tips to help you go from a hectic life to a more enjoyable pace.

1. The only way to slow it down is to first make that mental choice. It has to come from within you; it's choosing to:

enjoy more moments in your daypause and notice how you are feeling in that momentnot rush through your daybe o.k. with leaving some things 'undone'shift from a 'human doing' to a 'human being'

2. Become aware of your 'real' priorities. Not necessarily what you say they are; actions speak louder than words. Your priorities are what you make time for. We all find time for what truly matters to us - each of us makes time every day for what we value. If you are not finding time to relax, eat properly, sleep, or have fun... it's because those activities aren't high on your priority list. How you're spending you time now, (those activities that take up your time) are higher up on your list.

When you begin to see the value of living a life paced to accommodate spontaneity, life's simple pleasures, and the joys of truly living in the 'now', you'll notice a shift in your priorities. And, when that happens, the blur will transform into wonderful moments you can treasure.

3. Be impeccable in your personal integrity. That means, if you say you're going to slow down, then follow through. Keep your word to yourself. I'm guessing that most of the time you wouldn't think of breaking commitments you've made to clients, bosses, etc., but do you break the commitments you've made to yourself? If so, it's time to change that.

Every time you break a commitment you've made to yourself, it chips away at your self-respect and self-confidence. Why? Because you've let yourself down.

4. Get good at saying 'no' or 'I can't commit to that, but you might try...' You will get yourself over-committed if you can't turn down requests others make of you. The key to this is to realize that the world won't stop spinning if you delegate or can't get everything on your list done. Learn to assess requests; if they don't line up with your goals/priorities, then 'pass' on them. You aren't doing anyone a favor if you take on projects that you have no passion for or that you don't have time to do well.

5. Be kind to yourself instead of being a wicked taskmaster. Often times we are the ones that pile on our own workload and we are the ones that relentlessly crack the whip. We don't give ourselves breaks, time to laugh, or time to rest,... Realize that you don't have to be this way. You can choose to be kind, thoughtful, and caring towards yourself. In the end, you'll accomplish a whole lot more and feel so much better about your life.

So, now that you know what to do, here's a challenge for you this week:

Notice the pace of your life.Choose to work on one tip above that really resonates with you. If you try to work on more than that, you might end up sabotaging your success. There's always next week-you can take on another one then.

One last thought:

Life is like a wonderful meal. If you take time to eat one course at a time, you feel full and have enjoyed the experience. But, if you try to eat a 5 course meal in 5 minutes, well, you just end up wishing you hadn't!

Levya is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping busy professionals lead less stressful lives ( http://watersedgelifecoaching.com/index.html ). She helps them go from being overwhelmed and over-scheduled to enjoying a sense of well-being and balance.

Her experience as a business owner gives her an accurate understanding of the pressures professionals face and her coach training enables her to help them make sustainable changes in their lifestyles.

Using a holistic and eclectic approach, Levya designs an individualized program for each client based on their specific needs, goals, and desired outcomes.

If you are stressed and looking for relief, Levya can help you take back control of your life and make time for rest, relaxation, rejuvenation and fun (yep, fun is important too!).

If you'd like the opportunity to speak with Levya about your situation, please contact her at http://watersedgelifecoaching.com/id5.html for your complimentary initial consult.

Original article

Why So Negative?

What comes to mind when you hear the word "Stress"? How do you define the word "stress"?

I have asked hundreds of people these two questions, and the answers continue to surprise me. However, the responses always seem to fall under these four categories: people, situations, outcomes and feelings.

People often define the word stress associated with a specific individual, symptoms of stress, causes or a situation they have experienced, the results or outcomes of stress, or by feelings related to stress. Rarely do I hear an actual definition of stress.

Let's look at how people define it, and then explore some more theoretical definitions of stress. The following is a list of common answers I hear related to these questions.

Stress is...

People: Such as our supervisor, a team member, family member, neighbour, or _____(name)

Situations: Money, role confusion, change, conflict and disagreement, no down time, feeling inadequate or having unrealistic expectations can all be situational stressors. Dealing with negative people, unnecessary, relationship issues, parenting, marriage, or loss are also stressful situations.

Outcomes: Dissention, strained relationships, unresolved conflict, and the increased stress from these cause us more and more stress.

Feelings: Frustration, exaggerated emotion, pain, being tired, or feeling confused.

As you see, most of the responses are described in a negative way. However, stress in and of itself is not negative. Simply put, stress can be defined as any external events that have an effect on your body or mind. Stress can also be understood as the body's reaction to a change or event that requires either a physical, mental or emotional coping or response. Stress is the result of different stressors faced in life, sort of like the wear and tear on one's body from simply living.

The stress reaction is the result of a release of adrenaline (a stimulant hormone) as it enters the blood stream. This, along with other stress hormones, results in a number of physiological changes in the body (which are intended to be protective in nature). This is referred to as "the fight-or-flight response" because it provides both the strength and energy to either fight the situation or flee from danger. The physiological changes could include any or all of the following: an increase in heart rate and blood pressure (to get more blood to the major muscles, brain and heart), rapid breathing (to take in more oxygen), a tensing and tightening of muscles (preparation for action), increased mental alertness/sharpness and sensitivity of sense organs (to assess the situation and respond quickly), increased blood flow to the brain, heart and muscles and less blood to the skin, digestive tract, kidneys and liver (where it is least needed in times of crisis).

Think about a time where you experienced stress. Driving a vehicle is a great example. Picture this: you are driving along listening to your favourite music, noticing some new buildings going up along the highway. Shifting your gaze back to the road, you look forward and realize the front of your vehicle is almost in the car in front of you. Slamming on your brakes, you avoid the accident. Your heart is racing, your breathing is more rapid, and thoughts may be racing through your head. That is an example of the stress reaction with physiological reactions, similar to when we are in conflict or experiencing a stressful situation at work.

The key to managing stress is recognizing the triggers that cause you stress and finding ways that work for you to control your response to those triggers. This won't be the same for everybody so you will need to really pay attention to your environment and how you are responding to the people, situations, outcomes, and feelings produced by your daily interactions.

Charmaine Hammond, MA, BA, is an international transformational speaker, bestselling author and radio host, helping people live inspired, resilient lives and is a leading trainer in corporate North America helping transform workplaces. She is also an award winning and bestselling author of On Toby's Terms (Bettie Youngs Books, Sept. 2010), Toby the Pet Therapy Dog - and his hospital friends (Bettie Youngs Books, Aug. 2011), and Bounce Forward, and has been published in Chicken Soup for the Soul-What I learned from the dog (Sept. 2009). She is also co-authoring a new book GPS Your Best Life. You can find all that Charmaine offers at http://www.hammondgroup.biz/ and http://www.ontobysterms.com/

Original article

Stress Management - Celebrate Your Wonderful Feet, They Do Feats to Manage Your Stress

Some people think that the first place on your body to start reducing the effects of stress is your head; I beg to differ, because you should start with your feet. Why your feet read on and find out.

It is true that you need to feel that you have to think calming thoughts, check your attitude to make sure it is positive and enthusiastic, and know that you are the only person that can consistently make you happy, but you cannot achieve these things when your feet hurt.

Your feet are a very important part of your body and your life. They also play a big part in your lifestyle as well. Let us look at the reasons why you should celebrate your feet.

First of all you take them way too much for granted. Think about how many times you walk or run around bare footed. Also think about the times you have stood on them for long periods of time, remember that your back seemed to hurt far worse than your feet.

Let me suggest that you spend a day and honor and care for them.

Why, because your feet are amazing. For instance, they get you where you want to go. While you are stressed out rushing from place to place or helping, you drive your car. Those of us who drive a car with a manual transmission knows how much work your feet does working the clutch. Frequently your feet do overtime, have you noticed that even when you are sitting down relaxing your feet are on the floor or stretched out in front of your legs in the same flat position as they always are.

Your feet take an incredible amount of abuse. Just think about how many times you have stuffed them into fashionable shoes that you wore for hours or walked for a long time in unsupported sandals. Not to mention the times you walked out of the cool water pool onto the hot cement poolside. Then there are the toe rings you wear to be trendy and fashionable as well.

Yet your feet rarely complain (except for an occasional blistering protest).

Why not start today and give something back to your feet. Treat them to a massage, which you can do by yourself or have some one you love do it for you. Stretch them out, flex them and exercise them, they will feel great and so will you. Take time to clean them up, lotion and soften the heels, rub away the little calluses that are there too. Clip the nails and gently file them if necessary, be gentle and kind to your feet. It maybe time to splurge on a pedicure, a comfortable pair of new shoes, or soft slippers.

Think how vital your feet are, so time and investment will keep you and your feet stress relieved for a very long time. Remember how skillfully they hold you up, shuttle you around, and perform countless incredible "feats". Be grateful for your feet.

From this day on, appreciate the wonderful gifts that are your feet. In addition, all the possibilities they bring to your life. This is yet another way to manage your stress using natural solutions.

Ellen R Norman is an expert in stress management using natural solutions.
She teaches people like yourself how to regain control of your life by reducing and relieving stress.
Visit http://www.stressmanagementnaturalsolutions.com/ and subscribe to get your newsletter and a free gift.

Original article

A Worry-Free Life

Worry is a very powerful sensation of stress. It's fear of the unknown - the thought that the worst will happen. It is the feeling of uneasiness and fear that courses through our body, as we sit imagining the fearful outcomes the future will bring us. It's a very nauseating and actually unpleasant feeling.

Most of us worry without any conscious control, almost on automatic function. Below are some reasons why we worry.

• Our mind is trained to keep doing something; it can never relax so if it can do nothing about a situation it will just worry about it.
• When we discover that we are not in a location to take any definite measures, we allow ourselves to worry out of habit.
• Worrying almost becomes a means of keeping the mind filled while it waits for the future to arrive.
• Because we are never certain about what our future will bring us.

When you are in the habit of continuous worrying it simply leaves a little space for any creative solution to come through. Excessive worrying is very stressful and harmful to our body. Illnesses like anxious conditions, heart disease and bowel problems are brought on more in people who are regularly burdened out because of their obsessive worrying.

Tips to reduce worrying.

• Future can never be predicted, so quit trying. People who greatly recognize this simple fact of life, live in surrender to what is. They never try to assume the future; they just create some realistic plans. The more you try to control the more you will suffer. Worrying provides no objective at all except to make you feel ill.
• Prepare for the worst. Hope for the best. Take the toughest possible result and then take measures to improve upon the worst.
• Live by the moment. There is no reality to the images you create in your thoughts about the long run. Look back on your life and see how many things you worried about really occurred.
• Get Busy. When you are starting to get worried - get busy on your to-do-list. List your goals and the actions required to meet them.
• Distract Yourself. Call a friend, watch a funny movie, read a good book, or take a walk at the park. There are a lot of things to do.
• Practice Relaxing. It is important that you take time to completely relax. Close your eyes breathe deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth. With each breathe, tell yourself to relax. It just requires a few moments of this exercise for stress to leave your body.
• Write a journal. After writing down everything that worries you in a journal, somehow, you will feel a sense of relief. In writing you may discover what you are really reluctant of, and then you can logically think of a solution.

If your efforts are not effective or your worry is distressing you or making it difficult to take it easy and achieve your objectives, search for professional help.

L. Lomboy is a stop worrying expert. For more great information on stop worrying start living, visit http://www.techniquestostopworrying.com/.

Original article

3 Road Rage Dangers to Avoid

Everyday there is an incident of road rage. There are many dangers in road rage that can be avoided. When road rage occurs, it happens as an immediate or sometimes as a pressure building response to a situation.

Some causes of road rage are as follows:

1. Flying off the handle when someone cuts you off while driving
2. Someone passes you and honk their horn
3. Someone will not let you pass
4. A driver gets in front of you and puts on the breaks or stops short in front of you
5. A driver won't let you in or yield getting on the expressway
6. A slow driver in front of you, under the speed limit
7. Distracted driver in front of you talking on the cell phone, putting on make up, eating or talking to someone else in the car.
8. You are late for an appointment or work
9. Someone gives you the finger or shoots a bird and you let it upset you.
10. You had and argument or fight with a family member, friend or co-worker and you are still thinking about it while driving and you decide to take it out on some other driver
11. The big 18 wheeler rigs or tractor-trailer trucks makes you nervous.

Three dangers of road rage to avoid are:

1. Car accidents
If you are stressed before driving or if you are distracted while driving this can cause an accident. Thinking about what is going around you and putting your feelings or emotions in balance may alleviate an accident from happening.

2. Violent Physical confrontations
If you become so enraged that you decide to get out of the car to fight with the other driver or if you decide you want to shoot at the person with a weapon, this is grossly unlawful and can be avoided by calming down and then realizing the situation you are in. Ask yourself this question. Is it worth going to jail? Is it worth harming a person or losing a life?

3. Emotional or mental anguish
If you are so overwhelmed by one of the causes of road rage and you become so stressed that you start cursing and being out of control, think to yourself aloud and remind your self that life is too short to be wasted on trivial issues that can be avoided.

No one wins in any of the three situations. Usually by the time you reach your destination, you would have forgotten the incident. If someone were to ask you about a year from now, I doubt if you would remember the exact details unless it was life threatening.

In order to recover yourself mentally and physically after becoming so enraged you usually have to walk away from the situation and calm down. Also to avoid the dangers of road rage, think before you act by not letting your emotions get out of control while driving.

Original article

What Is the Cost of Stress to You Personally?

Have you ever felt so stressed you just wanted to escape your life? Do you toss and turn at night thinking about everything you feel you need to do? Are you noticing you've put on some extra pounds because you are 'too busy' to exercise? Or, have you snapped at your child and then felt awful for over-reacting? If you are feeling this kind of stress, know there is help for you.

The world we live in is becoming increasingly busy with demands facing us in all areas of our lives. Add technology to the mix and we are now 'on' 24/7. We have turned into multitasking machines, but the reality is we are still human beings and we all have our limits. The race is on - we are trying to be quicker and do more than the next person - to be the best. But, our lives are like marathons and there is no way you win a marathon doing a full sprint the whole way!

We need breaks. We need to pace ourselves. We need to listen to our bodies and our minds. But, the problem is many of us over the years have been conditioned to not listen to what is going on within ourselves, but to put more emphasis on the feedback given to us from the outside world.

It seems to me that at least once a week, I have a client express to me that he/she feels like it is impossible to lead while maintaining peace and balance in his/her life. Like it is a choice - your life or your job! From my executive experience, I strongly disagree. In fact, I think the more balance and clarity you have in your life, the better you are as a leader. Sure, there is no doubt that being a successful professional requires hard work. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. The key is tapping into your passion and working at something you enjoy.

I strongly believe there is a missing piece here for executives and their corporations. Think about it...as you climbed your way up the corporate ladder, you were likely offered management or technical courses to help prepare you for each position. But have you ever been offered a management program specializing in stress management designed for leaders? Management programs can be great, but they never include any content about preparing managers and leaders to face the accelerated levels of stress that are part of their every day lives as executives.

Not only will leaders be more relaxed and positive around their staff if they are able to better manage their stress (which will positively impact your overall culture), but they will be more clear-minded and focused, making them more effective decision makers. Leaders have a lot of pressure, they really need more than the occasional vacation to unwind. They need to learn tools they can put into practice every day to help prevent burnout before it begins to take control (of their careers) and can thus affect your bottom line when these individuals burnout, go on stress leave or leave your organization to go somewhere else in hopes it will be a change of pace for them.

Make 2012 the year you invest in yourself. Don't waste any more precious time living a life that is second best when you know deep down inside you are capable of so much more.

Carey-Ann Oestreicher, MBA, Chief Engagement Officer for Potential Unlimited, works with companies and individuals around the world to tap into their full potential. Her unique holistic approach to leadership development has made her a highly sought after keynote speaker. She frequently appears in a variety of national media. Carey-Ann's passion is her family and helping others find new heights in their careers and happiness in their lives.

Potential Unlimited offers a wellness retreat specific to leader called The Ultimate Retreat. Check out http://www.potentialunlimited.ca/ to find out more about this life-changing experience!

Original article

Daily Stress - How to Prevent Petty Dramas From Grinding Away Your Happiness

Sometimes it takes something traumatic to make us see that most of the stuff we are so worried about isn't important at all.

My son recently broke the bones in his forearm. Snapped them right in two. I hear shouts, and I look outside to see my son holding his arm up at the elbow, but a few inches down his arm dangles there like a broken tree branch, limp and lifeless.

For a moment, I am puzzled. How does a person suffer that kind of injury and yet be standing in front of me, talking? How is he not on the ground unconscious or - at the very least - shrieking? How is he simply there, staring at me, with a wrinkled brow and the same bewildered expression that I must be giving him?

Before we heard my son's call, my husband and I had been inside, hashing out all of the dramas of daily life: birthday party plans, income tax payments, redecorating decisions, vacation ideas, what to do about our money and the lack thereof.

We can all probably remember a time when we were engulfed in our own worries and then were suddenly and summarily shaken free by something. Often it's some sort of news, usually bad, which puts everything immediately into perspective. We forget everything else while we get on with the business of surviving.

I wish I could live, all the time, with that sort of acute understanding of what's really important. Doing so would help me to slow down, to appreciate those around me, to bond more deeply with others, to live from a place of love and kindness rather than sinking, as I sometimes do, into pettiness and spite.

And just as a true drama makes us sit up and take notice of what's important in our lives, it also informs us of ways to get through the little daily things we have to deal with: things that can pile up and be more wearying than those big, adrenaline-charged catastrophes.

Since my son's accident, I feel as though I've been using the big drama in my life to teach me how to better cope with the tiny, daily dramas.

Here's what I've been doing:

1. It helps me, in dramas large and small, to make the sound of the ocean with my breath. Whenever I need to focus on my breath, it calms me so much to make that deep, resonant whisper sound the way they teach you to do in yoga class. I direct my breath at the back of my throat, and listen to the sound of the force and power of my own breathing, there inside my head.

I imagine sitting near the ocean with my feet in the sand and the sun sizzling my skin and the scent of salt and earth and the rhythmic, predictable ebb and flow of the ocean. This helps me recognize, in case I'd forgotten, that my body and my mind are made of the same stuff as this ground and this ocean and that I have the power and the resources to get through whatever it is. What's more, I can help others get through it.

2. Of course, breathing will only get you so far. At some point, you have to stand up and do what needs to be done. Doing something - anything - can help you stop idly thinking and ruminating and dramatizing, which rarely comes to good end.

At times, the best thing to do is ignore the problem and go about your day. At times, the best thing to do is to look at just a tiny portion of the problem - and do what you can. In Bird By Bird, Anne Lamott gives the budding writer some advice: keep a one-inch picture frame on your desk to remind you that, really, all you need to do is focus on a bit, a snippet, of the whole story. Just "fill the frame," she says, and don't worry about the rest just now.

I find that this really works, in writing and in life. It's one of the easiest ways to prevent the crushing, motivation-sucking feeling of overwhelm. As you go along in your day, all you need to do is focus on one little bit of the problem. Look at what you can do today, right now, to help yourself.

Sometimes that's as simple as smiling at the next person who walks by, as simple as doing something unexpected and kind for yourself or others. Sometimes it's just sucking it up and making the phone call you've been dreading. Just dial the number, and take it one one-by-inch frame at a time.

3. Change your mind. The ability to adopt a more positive mental outlook in any situation is a skill that serves us well in all the years of our lives. It's stale advice, I suppose, to suggest that you focus on your gratitudes, but it's during moments of Big Drama when you realize how powerful this advice really is.

As my son lies in the emergency room, for example, I think about the magnificence of a country where my son can break his arm in two and, within an hour or two, be fixed with plates, pins and screws by a highly trained specialist in a sterile environment. And, while we wait, a team of other caregivers will make sure my son is as comfortable as possible, using physical, emotional, and pharmaceutical means. Highly educated, caring people will stand by and monitor him to make sure his condition and pain don't further deterioriate. That's amazing. Truly, ridiculously amazing.

There are so many things to be grateful for in all of our lives. All the time. Spending five minutes to focus on these simple, wonderful always-taken-for-granted things during moments of high (or low, constant) drama will almost always make us feel better.

Each time I undergo a family crisis or a health scare, it's the little simple things that wake me up to the love I have for the entire world. Things like the sun on my face and the wind in my hair. My ability to run and my ability to stretch and smile and embrace.

Even the gift of a familiar routine - baking a casserole or a loaf of pumpkin bread for someone who's hurting or doing the dishes and helping with chores after a friend has suffered a tragedy. Each of these things is a blessed little gift, if we recognize it as such.

If you need help visualizing these items, make a collage of things that make you happy and make you smile. Take 10 minutes right now and make a list of things that make you want to jump for joy. Simple things. My list includes everything from reruns of Seinfeld and My Name is Earl to the ability to get out in the woods and run with a friend for an hour. Also on the list: peach ice cream, pomegranates and really good hand lotion.

Keep your list or collage of simply-happy-things close to your heart. You are luckier than you know and more loved than you can imagine.

Susanna Grace writes an inspirational blog at SusannaGrace.com. She'd love to get to know you, so please visit her site and follow Susanna Grace on Twitter.

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Does This Serve Any Purpose? An Interesting Exercise

Here is an interesting exercise to try for a week. With every action you take, ask yourself, "Does this serve any purpose?" Whether you're reading, working, eating, resting exercising, whatever the activity, ask yourself the question. Be honest with your answers.

This exercise can help us in several ways. It will immediately make us more aware in the present moment. We will focus better on our current activities. It will help us see how much of our life has become habit, crutch, or ritual.

Many of the activities in our life were functional and served a purpose at one time. However, being the creatures of habit that we are, we often forget to stop the behavior once its usefulness has passed.

This adds clutter to our life. It adds to the feeling that most of us have that there is too much to do and too little time to do it in. This feeling is a major cause of stress. When we feel overworked, under pressure, or out of control, the stress-o-meter needle can move into the danger zone.

Asking ourselves, "Does what we do serve a purpose?" can also be a disquieting experience. If we are honest, most of us will have to admit that some of what we do isn't very functional. Some things might even be destructive behavior like smoking, heavy alcohol consumption, or the misuse of prescription drugs.

By asking yourself the question, "Does this serve any purpose?" you can do some mental, emotional, and maybe even some physical "house cleaning." This will give you three immediate benefits. You will save time that you can re-deploy to yourself or another more productive and rewarding activity. Self-honesty usually brings relief. We feel good when we recognize, admit, and correct a non-functional behavior pattern.

Your stress level should go down. With more time, and greater self-understanding, you should feel more in control and less pressured.

Be systematic when you ask yourself the question. Take notes. Don't allow any aspect of your life to escape. Everything must explain itself. Be careful here. Don't use this exercise as an opportunity to be harsh on yourself. Don't use your honest answers as anything other than a tool to help you feel more in control and happier with yourself.

You will probably find that the answer to the question often will often be, "Yes, this does serve a purpose." Write that down in your notebook also. Write out the activity. Write down why you perform it, why you like it, and how it adds dimension and purpose to your life. This will help you feel better about your life. During your questioning and the writing down of your answers, you will find areas of strong, positive feelings. List what you feel dedicated to. List what you feel responsible for, and why you feel that way.

Make sure that the answers are your answers: that the what, why and how are yours and not what others have told you they should be. Follow the exercise for a week. Then do it once every six months to make sure you stay on target toward becoming an ever happier you.

Timothy J. O'Brien, MS, is the author and voice of a two-CD set titled Achieving the Dynamic Balance at http://hyperstress.com/achieving-the-dynamic-balance/. For more information, or more FREE informative articles, please visit Tim's performance improvement blog at http://hyperstress.com/.

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Is Anybody Listening?

One common stressor is the feeling that we are trying to get others to understand our needs and our points of view, but somehow, no matter how hard we try, the message isn't getting through.

The solution to this stress? Try to understand the needs of your listener; then shape your communication to meet those needs.

In an old sitcom, Archie Bunker stated: "Edith, do you know why we can't communicate? Because I'm talking in English, and you're listening in DINGBAT!"

Archie Bunker had a point: a major frustration in life is the realization that we are not being heard. His explanation was also typical: it must be your fault if you don't understand me.

A good rule to remember is that everyone is tuned into Station WII:FM: What's in it for me? Each of us filters information beamed towards us in terms the kinds of information we want and need, and the possible threat that may be posed for us. The ability to analyze the communication styles of others allows you to plan your communications so that they will be received and understood.

Here is a brief rundown on four different normal types of people, and what they need to hear in order to pay attention to a communication.

The DOMINANT, take-charge type, likes challenges and speedy movement towards a well-defined goal. Dominant types are better speakers than listeners. Such people give new meaning to the terms "brief" and "concise."

A phone call from a Dominant is likely to consist of a quick message: "I can't meet you at I p.m. It'll have to be at 1:45." And belatedly, "This is Don. How are you?" The speaker may then hang up without waiting for an answer.

A communication to a dominant person should move quickly to the bottom line: what is the proposed plan, what is his or her involvement? Avoid at all costs the following: a long introduction to the topic (trigger impatience and lack of attention in this listener), entertaining anecdotes (arouse suspicion - "Why are you trying to con me"), and detailed presentations of data on the pros and cons ("You should have thought this out on your own time and come to me with a brief, clear proposal").

ENTHUSIASTIC OPTIMISTS are animated, optimistic, and very sociable people. Charming and entertaining others is a major goal of this very likable type. They make charismatic leaders, teachers, preachers, and super salespeople.

Major threats to this type include the possibility of personal rejection, or a negative reaction to one of their proposals. The result? Enthusiastic Optimists, when squelched, have an out-of-body experience. In their imaginations, they travel to another, pleasanter planet where your voice is not being heard.

When your Enthusiastically Optimistic listener's eyes glaze over, it is a distinct possibility you are not being heard.

Take time, if possible, to listen, socialize and empathize with the feelings of the Enthusiastic Optimist. You will save time in the long run. Present negative information as if it is one of an array of possibilities.

HARMONIOUS TEAMWORKERS are even-tempered, loyal friends and co-workers. In their conversations, they often use the word "we" where others might use "I": 'We went to a movie last night," "'We didn't like that restaurant."

People who reflect this style tend to speak in pleasant, well-modulated voices, and expect others to do the same. They are made very uncomfortable by forceful tones and language, as used by the Dominant types, or the rising and falling inflections and volume of the Enthusiastic Optimist, interpreting such vocal changes as being threatening.

Harmonious Teamworkers tend to avoidanything unpleasant, and will consequently avoid listening to overly forceful communication.

CAREFUL INDEPENDENTS are detail-oriented, conscientious types who prefer to work alone, and indeed need a certain amount of solitude in order to be comfortable.

Communications beamed towards Careful Independents should be worded cautiously, with respect for detail. Avoid emotion-laden phrases and attempts at persuasion; simply present the facts to which you wish them to pay attention.

Don't necessarily expect an immediate reply or reaction to your communication. Listeners might be compared to cameras: some zoom in on a specific topic, while others use a wide-angle lens to take in many details simultaneously. The Dominants and Enthusiastic Optimists zoom in on topics which are important to them, react quickly and make decisions accordingly. Harmonious Teamworkers and Careful Independents survey the entire situation, often contemplating several points of view simultaneously. This type of information processing demands time for reflection before reaction. Pressing them for a response too quickly will result in irritation and resistance to any suggestion being presented by the speaker.

Of course, communication style can vary by situation; people often don't use the same style at home and at work, for example, and level of stress can play a factor also. Plus, don't forget that there is a strong relationship between power, communication, income level, and status in the community. However, studying these four listening styles will greatly enhance the power of your communications, and increase the possibility of actually being heard!

Lynette Crane, M.A.(Psychology) and Certified Life Coach,is a Minneapolis-based speaker, writer, and coach. She has more than 30 years' experience in the field of stress management. She currently works to provide stress and time pressure solutions to harried women, those women who seek "Islands of Peace" in their overly-busy lives. Her talks to groups of what she calls "harried women" are receiving rave reviews. Visit her website at http://www.creativelifechanges.com/ to see more in-depth articles and to view her programs.

Original article

Stress and The Sexes

"Stress, you want to talk about stress? You have no idea what stress is. What I have to deal with every day at work, so I can put food on the table, keep us in a place to live and afford our cars, clothes and life, is killing me! You couldn't handle one day of my level of stress." He says.

"I'd like to see you try to do all the things that I do on a daily basis. You have NO clue! I run my business keep the house up, cook for you and the kids, run the kids around and deal with our families. You do NONE of that. All you have is work and could never deal with all the different things I have to do on a daily basis!" She says.

Are some of you thinking, "Has he been spying on us?" No, it's not you, it's all of us. We all deal with these type of issues with our significant others. What we all want is a better quality of life. Working hard, very hard, and getting yourself all stressed out, is not what life or entrepreneurship is about. Most of us don't deal with stress well and it is not good for any of us or our loved ones. Please remember my core philosophy of being a Business Owner: "Your business exists to provide you the lifestyle you desire." That means that we need to know what we desire and we have to enjoy the journey to getting there. If success if "final achievement" and that is when you are going to enjoy your success, then you are missing out on all the joys of the successes you have along the way. You do not want your journey to create more stress.

Let's first define, "more stress." There are two meanings to the word "more" in this context. More can mean number of stressors or it can mean level of stress, no matter how many stressors exist.

Women and Stress

In one of the research studies we looked at, (Polaris Marketing Research) women reported financial issues, lack of time, family problems, living situation and relationship issues as causing them stress. As a general rule women tend to deal with more stressors than men. Women have stressors such as: kids, family activity logistics, household management, cooking, shopping, husband, sex, life. What's interesting is although women deal with more stressors they also tend to be better at managing their stress. Women will talk over their issues with their friends, they more likely to sleep, listen to music, surf the Internet, socialize, read a book, or eat their favorite 'comfort foods.' Researchers from UCLA analyzed data from hundreds of biological and behavioral studies (both human and animal), they concluded that females were more likely to deal with stress by "tending and befriending" -- that is, nurturing those around them and reaching out to others.

Men and Stress

Men said that work was their main stressor. Men's top 6 stressors are: work, work, work, wife, wife, wife. (Men are not quite sure which is more stressful...however, "Happy wife, happy life" is our motto.) So what this means is that women tend to have more varied responsibility but men feel a greater need provide (financially) and keep themselves solely focused on bringing home the bacon. In terms of relieving stress, men were significantly higher in only one category, (and yes, this is embarrassing) playing video games. Men will go off by themselves to their stress relieving activity of choice. When stress get's to be too much their "fight or flight" response kicks in. Opposite of the "tend and befriend" strategy, mentioned above. (So why can't men and women get along well under times of stress?)

Men, Women and Stress

However, both men and women rated, "watching television" as their number one reliever of stress. Men and women's different reactions to stress might be more than just an interesting observation; it could account for differences in their longevity and health. "Women enjoy a greater life expectancy than men," says Shelley E. Taylor, PhD, a professor of psychology at UCLA and lead author of the study. "One reason may be that the tend-and-befriend system protects them from some of the damaging effects of stress." Not good gentlemen, not good.

Hormone's May Be To Blame

Researchers found that all signs point largely to oxytocin, a hormone that promotes both maternal and social behavior and enhances relaxation, as the key factor behind the gender difference.

When faced with stress, the body releases a number of different hormones, says Redford Williams, MD, director of the Behavioral Medicine Research Center at Duke University in Durham, N.C. Some of these hormones, notably cortisol and adrenaline, raise blood pressure and cholesterol levels and suppress the immune system, putting "often stressed" people at greater risk for everything from colds to cancer to heart disease. Some research also suggests that constant, long-term exposure to stress can lead to weight gain thanks to elevated cortisol levels.

Initially, women have the same response to stress as men, leaving them somewhat vulnerable to cortisol and adrenaline. But then women also begin secreting oxytocin from the pituitary gland, which helps scale back the production of cortisol and adrenaline, minimizing their harmful effects.

Interestingly, men also secrete oxytocin when under stress, but they produce it in lesser amounts than women do, and its effects are inhibited by male hormones such as testosterone.

The more relaxed behavior that oxytocin promotes also seems to offer some protection of its own. "Hostility has been shown over and over again to be health-damaging," says Williams. As another example of how women's convivial nature may be protective, William cites the fact that an older man's chance of dying after the death of his spouse rises substantially while a woman's risk increases only slightly. "That's probably because women access a social network to help them get through the ordeal."

So women can live longer without their mate, but men fall apart and die....very nice. Gentlemen treat your woman right or die of stress....I think that is the point of this article. Go figya!

Frank J. De Raffele Jr. is the Founder & President of Entrepreneurial Excellence Worldwide, Inc. He is the Co-Author of the #1 Best Seller, Business Networking and Sex: Not what you think., and he speaks to entrepreneurs, franchise owners and corporations around the world.
http://www.Follr.me/FrankDeRaffele

Original article

Trust in Your Prayers

Raising a 17-year-old boy is no picnic. I am sure I am not saying anything that has not been said or experienced before, but I thought I would write about it and better explain my viewpoint. Being a single dad and raising my youngest of four children has been exhilarating as well as exhausting. I love my son with all my heart and when I stop and think about it, he is a really good kid. So then, what's the problem-right? Well, that's just it, maybe there is no problem at all.

Everything that my child does, good or not so good is in perfect balance with what any 17 year old would be doing. His grades are upper middle of the road but certainly not where they could be. His car looks like a hurricane hit it on the inside, and of course trying to get him to comprehend the price of gas, is a complete waste of my time. On the other hand, he is not strung out on drugs, he has not missed one day of school this year, and he never texts while he drives. So where's the problem, right?

OK, I admit it, the problem is with me. I am the one with the issues. I am the one who seems to have an open door policy for the devil to walk in at anytime and confuse the hell out of me or better still make we worry myself crazy. Until the other day, when that all changed.

I was reading a book and my son came out of his room and asked if he could go over to his friend's house and ride his skateboard around the smoothly paved streets of his buddies neighborhood. My first reaction was "sure, why not" until I remembered that his friend's house was near some old friends that were always up to no good. I started to think, and then began to worry. What if he runs into those guys? What if he falls prey to the drugs and other stuff that is sure to be present? My mind was racing 100 miles an hour all in 2 minutes. When I finally snapped out of it, I looked up and my son is starring me right in the face. Again he's asking, can I go dad, can I go?

Before I could answer, he looked me in the eye face to face with his loving peaceful and ever so innocent eyes and said "Dad, worry is a sin" I was floored! This child had just grown up right before my eyes. As parents we are always looking to lead our children but sometimes we get so caught up in life that we miss it and its our children that bring us back on track.

My son left that day a responsible young man who understood the weight of a parent. I am sure he will make his share of mistakes and there will be many more teaching moments from me as we go along, but on that day, I was the student. What I learned is that fear and worry indeed do cancel out all prayer. You can't have it both ways. I would pray my heart out and then immediately afterwards be in a complete trance of worry. So much, that I would feel frozen and helpless. This is no way to live.

Worry is a sin, and I have since learned to believe in my prayers. When I ask God to watch over my children, I must trust that he will. I can no longer ask for help and the take away his power. The last couple of weeks my life has been so much more at peace. The Lord has certainly come through for me and taken care of things that seemingly I could not. If you are one who struggles with constant fear and worry, take a break and cast your cares. God will handle your load and allow you to relax and just be at peace. I promise you it works, just ask my child. The choice is within.

B. Patrick Lewis, is a trained Chef, Author and Speaker. Check out his new book 'In the Weeds" and other articles at http://choicewithin.com/

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