3 Road Rage Dangers to Avoid

Everyday there is an incident of road rage. There are many dangers in road rage that can be avoided. When road rage occurs, it happens as an immediate or sometimes as a pressure building response to a situation.

Some causes of road rage are as follows:

1. Flying off the handle when someone cuts you off while driving
2. Someone passes you and honk their horn
3. Someone will not let you pass
4. A driver gets in front of you and puts on the breaks or stops short in front of you
5. A driver won't let you in or yield getting on the expressway
6. A slow driver in front of you, under the speed limit
7. Distracted driver in front of you talking on the cell phone, putting on make up, eating or talking to someone else in the car.
8. You are late for an appointment or work
9. Someone gives you the finger or shoots a bird and you let it upset you.
10. You had and argument or fight with a family member, friend or co-worker and you are still thinking about it while driving and you decide to take it out on some other driver
11. The big 18 wheeler rigs or tractor-trailer trucks makes you nervous.

Three dangers of road rage to avoid are:

1. Car accidents
If you are stressed before driving or if you are distracted while driving this can cause an accident. Thinking about what is going around you and putting your feelings or emotions in balance may alleviate an accident from happening.

2. Violent Physical confrontations
If you become so enraged that you decide to get out of the car to fight with the other driver or if you decide you want to shoot at the person with a weapon, this is grossly unlawful and can be avoided by calming down and then realizing the situation you are in. Ask yourself this question. Is it worth going to jail? Is it worth harming a person or losing a life?

3. Emotional or mental anguish
If you are so overwhelmed by one of the causes of road rage and you become so stressed that you start cursing and being out of control, think to yourself aloud and remind your self that life is too short to be wasted on trivial issues that can be avoided.

No one wins in any of the three situations. Usually by the time you reach your destination, you would have forgotten the incident. If someone were to ask you about a year from now, I doubt if you would remember the exact details unless it was life threatening.

In order to recover yourself mentally and physically after becoming so enraged you usually have to walk away from the situation and calm down. Also to avoid the dangers of road rage, think before you act by not letting your emotions get out of control while driving.

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Concrete Tips to Avoid Caregiver Burnout

If you are a caregiver to a family member, let me start off by acknowledging how difficult it can be and how much energy you must be expending just to get yourself and your loved one through the day. While it may be a lonely endeavor, you are actually, not alone. More than 65 million people, 29% of the U.S. population, provide care for a chronically ill, disabled or aged family member or friend during any given year and spend an average of 20 hours per week providing care for their loved one.

The role of caregiver is often not one that we choose, but is often thrust upon us by circumstance. We are often not prepared for what caregiving entails, and this can lead to feelings of overwhelm and depression.

While there are no easy answers or simple solutions, here are three ways to take care of yourself while taking care of another.

1. Enlist social support.

Asking for help can feel vulnerable. After all, we want to feel like we can handle it all. But going it alone can quickly lead to burnout. Ask friends, family members, and your community for help, and be specific. Depending on the person you're asking, you might need emotional support, practical assistance such as help picking up prescriptions, caregiving respite, or help gathering information such as local caregiver resources. Keep in mind that others generally feel good about helping and will welcome being given concrete things they can do to support you.

2. Enhance your problem-solving skills.

Research shows that if a caregiver considers him or herself an effective problem-solver, they have a higher level of confidence in their ability to handle issues and complications that might arise; they also have increased ability to monitor their reactions and stress levels. This increase in confidence is linked to caregiver well-being and a decrease in depression. You can increase your problem-solving skills by establishing more streamlined routines and by sharing information with other caregivers.

3. Make time for yourself

Not neglecting your own needs might be the hardest of these suggestions to follow through on. Feelings of guilt are common, and it may seem like there isn't time in the day. Without taking care of ourselves, however, we have nothing left to give others and we end up harming our own health. Identify what recharges you and make sure you make the time for it on a regular basis. Maybe it's a yoga class, coffee with a friend, a few hours out of the house. Honor yourself by making your needs a priority.

Marnee Reiley is a Marriage and Family Therapist Intern (IMF 61489) who brings empathy, humor, and warmth to her collaborative work with therapy clients at Journey Coaching and Counseling in Irvine, California. Marnee offers strength-based counseling for couples, individuals and families who are looking to find greater purpose, a sense of direction, and increased joy in their lives. Call 949-222-6681 or visit http://www.youroctherapist.com/ for more information.

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Five Ways to Avoid 'Overwhelm'

If you are like many people these days you are feeling chronically overwhelmed. And if you have ADHD you probably struggle more than most. Feeling overwhelmed occurs when we feel we have too much to do and not enough time to do it. We fall behind and we are constantly trying to catch up and keep up with the demands on us. Phew! I felt that familiar feeling of overwhelm just writing that sentence!

Here are some great suggestions for how to avoid overwhelm.

1) Stop and take a deep breathe. Calm down your monkey brain for a few minutes so you can take stock of what's going on. Step off the treadmill for a moment to get some perspective on what is most important.

2) Notice what you are thinking about and saying to yourself. Be aware of chronic negative thinking and self talk such as 'I'll never get this project done', 'I don't have time to wrap those presents before Christmas', 'I'm going to be late again'.

Replace these negative, worry thoughts with thoughts that are more positive and calming. For example replace 'I'll never get this project done' with 'I'm worried that I won't get the project done but I have finished projects before and I will figure out how to get this one done, too'. There doesn't that feel better already? Then take a minute to figure out what you need to do to get it done. This might include setting priorities and working on the most important task first. It might involve delegating some of the tasks. It might mean you need to be less ambitious and postpone a few of the tasks till a later time. It might require you to ask for help. Remember you always have options.

3) Make a list of everything you have to do. Then evaluate each item and put the items in priority order of what needs to be done first, second, third, etc. Be realistic about what you can expect to accomplish in any given time period. Some experts advise against putting more than five items on your list at a time. If your list has more than five items, move the five highest priority items to an active 'to do' list and when these five are done, replace them from your master list.

When compiling your list, think about which items you really have to do and which items you can do tomorrow, and which items you can scratch off your list because somebody else can do them or they really aren't that important. Be strict with yourself to limit what you set up for yourself to accomplish. Be realistic.

Make sure your list includes items that fall into the category of self care. One ADHD coach found that the majority of the people in her workshop audience reported being involved in goal directed activity 95% of the time. They did not count self care as goal directed activity. If you allow yourself some down time to do nothing, time to sleep, time to exercise, time to eat healthy foods, and time to enjoy life you will find it easier to deal with the other things on your list.

4) Ask for help. Whether you are overwhelmed at work, at home, or both, it is often necessary and extremely helpful to ask for help. I remember my boss giving me more and more work until one day I finally told him I couldn't get it all done on time without some help. He laughed and said, 'I wondered when you would let me know I had given you way too much to do. Thanks for telling me.' Then he reassigned a couple of tasks and found an assistant for me. And I felt way less overwhelmed.

You do not have to do everything yourself. At home, involve your family to take care of routine tasks around the house. Even if you live alone you can ask for help from family, friends, or neighbors. You can also hire help. Yes, you can strip the wallpaper, spackle the wallboard and paint it. But you might instead strip the wallpaper and hire someone to spackle. Then you could paint or hire someone to paint. Give yourself the tasks you enjoy the most and let others do the rest. Your teenage daughter might be delighted to decorate the mantle at Christmas this year. She will be glad you entrusted her with the task. And she may use her own creativity to make it look better than ever. Let your son set up the patio furniture in the spring.

5) Plan out your day everyday. Set aside fifteen minutes every morning to look over your schedule for the day and to look over your 'to do' list. Stephen Covey in his book 'Seven Habits of Highly Successful People' recommends using this planning time to evaluate what is most important including time to take care of yourself. Schedule time to exercise. If you don't, it probably won't happen. Put fun things on your list along with the work and obligations. Schedule time to drive around and look at Christmas lights in December or to go to the beach in the summer. Schedule down time which you can use any way you want to enjoy and recharge.

Use these five suggestions regularly. Make it a habit to stop and breathe. With practice you will get better at prioritizing items on your list and getting rid of things you don't really have to do or that can be done by someone else. There will always be more to do. Focus on the present moment instead of constantly worrying about the past or what 'might' happen in the future. Enjoy this moment. It's gone before you know it.

Debra Burdick, LCSW, The Brain Lady, owns Advanced Options, LLC, a private psychotherapy and Neurofeedback practice in Waterford, CT. Advanced Options, LLC is the home of the BRAIN FITNESS TRAINING PROGRAM, which combines outpatient psychotherapy services, Cognitive/Behavioral Therapy and Neurofeedback to help clients of all ages to improve their lives by helping them feel better, think better, and perform at their peak. For more information, please visit http://www.thebrainlady.com/.

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